


The Evil Dad Club

by Shipper_Girl



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Crack, Drunk!Felicity, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-09
Updated: 2015-06-09
Packaged: 2018-04-03 17:20:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4108852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shipper_Girl/pseuds/Shipper_Girl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After finding out who her father is Felicity get's drunk and babbles at Sara while Oliver and Nyssa talk about what to do.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Evil Dad Club

**Author's Note:**

> Mild spoilers for Legends of Tomorrow cast. Also theory spoilers for season 4.
> 
> I've only been in the Arrow fandom for a few months and found distressingly little crack!Fic out there. I wanted to help fix that.
> 
> No Beta so all errors are mine, sorry punctuation, I try.
> 
> Thanks for reading and of course I don't own anything.

 

 

  “Damien Darhk is my father.”  Felicity slurred, cuddling into Sara’s side as she and Sara watched Nyssa and Oliver argue about what to do about Damien now that he had revealed himself.

  Felicity didn’t care at the moment, she was drunk.  Three sheets to the wind, shitfaced, foxed, buzzed.

  “Yes I know you’re drunk, Felicity.”  Sara said.

  “Was I talking out loud?”  Felicity demanded fuzzily.  “Like words were coming out of my mouth instead of just in my brain?”

  Sara chuckled.  “You were talking.”

  Felicity swallowed another large gulp of Oliver’s special vodka.  “I don’t like vodka.”  Felicity told Sara, glaring at the bottle in her hand. 

  Sara smiled.  “You drank half of it and you just figured out you don’t like it?”

  Felicity nodded.  “I don’t like liquor very much.  I like wine.  Red wine.  But I only drink the hard stuff when people I care about are impaled with boomerangs.”  Felicity frowned.  “Although if they were impaled by anything I think I would drink.  When you were impaled by arrows I dank some whiskey.  And cried.  I cried a lot.”  She peered up at Sara.  “Arrows suck.”

  Sara laughed, drawing Oliver and Nyssa’s attention.  Both of them frowned in the same unhappy way.

  “Do they hate me?”  Felicity asked sadly.  “Because my father is evil?”

  “ I don’t think Oliver could ever hate you and Nyssa knows what it’s like having a evil father.”  Sara told her, sipping her own drink.

  “True.  Nyssa, Thea and I should start a club, for women who have evil fathers.”  Felicity sighed.  “You can’t be a member of our club.”  She told Sara solemnly.  “Because your father is nice.  I wish your father was my father.”  She snorted.  “But I guess that’s good or Oliver would have scored a hat trick with sisters.”

  Sara burst out laughing, once again drawing Oliver and Nyssa’s attention.      

  “We should get married.”  Felicity said suddenly.

  “What?”  Sara demanded.

  Felicity pushed away from Sara’s side and nodded earnestly.  “Yeah, they’re married.”  Felicity said with a wave in Oliver and Nyssa’s direction that almost smacked Sara in the face.  “We should get married so we’re even.”

  Sara carefully took the bottle of vodka from Felicity.  “I’m not sure how that would make us even.”

  “Think about it. I have sex with Oliver, you have sex with Nyssa but they don’t have sex with each other.  We get married don’t have sex with each other but we keep having sex with them.”  Felicity explained with another wave at Oliver and Nyssa.  Felicity slumped back on the couch.  “Or we could have sex, I’d be OK with that.”  Felicity shrugged.  “I’ve already had sex with you anyways.  Seems only fair you have sex with me too.” 

  Sara spluttered loudly.  “What?”  She demanded.

  “Didn’t you hear; you’ve had sex with all your partners previous partners since you and Oliver slept together and I’ve slept with Oliver I’ve slept with you too.  And Laurel and Helena and well it’s a pretty big list.  I have a small list.”  Felicity said.  “Mandy my first year of MIT, Cooper ( that bastard), Steven from accounting, and Ray.  And Oliver of course but he doesn’t count cause I’m still sleeping with him.”

  “You slept with a girl?”  Sara questioned.

  Felicity nodded.  “Yeah, it was nice, she was nice.  I think I was in love with her, but her dad died and her mom was sick so she had to leave school.  We tried to make it work long distance but we couldn’t.”  Felicity sighed.  “I looked her up after Oliver kinda broke up with me.  I decided I was done with stupid men and their stupid manpain.”  Another long sigh.  “But she’s dating this leggy doctor that looks like a Victoria Secret model and saves babies or something.”  Felicity snorted.  “Oliver’s had sex with Ray cause I slept with both of them.”

  Sara laughed.  “You should be drunk all the time.  You’re cute all the time, but drunk you’re adorable.”

  “So is that a yes for getting married?”

  Sara shrugged.  “Sure.”

  Oliver came up to them then, Nyssa followed, frowning.

  “We’re getting married.”  Sara told them.

  Oliver frowned.  “What?”

  “Me and Felicity are getting married.  So we’re even.”

  Felicity nodded then scooted over so she could cuddle into Sara’s side again.  Apparently she was a very cuddly drunk.  She blinked owlishly up at Sara.  “If we do sleep together that means I’ve slept with Nyssa too.”

  Oliver frowned.

  Felicity eyed Nyssa.  “I could totally go there.  She would totally make Mandy jealous, she’s gorgeous and she’s a badass ninja assassin.”

  Nyssa took a small step back as if afraid that Felicity was going to jump up and try to seduce her then and there.

  Sara grinned at a confused, mildly hurt looking Oliver to a mildly amused Nyssa.  “Can we keep her like this?  Please?”   

  Oliver scowled at the half empty bottle of vodka.  “Did she drink all of that?”  He demanded.

  Sara held up her tumbler.  “Minus this, yeah.”

  Oliver pinched the bridge of his nose then knelt in front of Felicity.  “You don’t like vodka.”

  “Nope.”  Felicity said happily.  “But when you find out your dad is evil and is trying to take over the world you take what you can get.  Which remind me,”  She looked around Oliver to peer up at Nyssa.  “Wanna join a club with me and Thea?  We all have evil fathers who are ratfinks, we need a club.”  She scowled.  “It’s a shame Luke and Leia aren’t real, they could join.”  She frowned.  “Well not Luke cause only girls allowed.”

  Nyssa’s lips did something that the casual observer might think was a small smile.

  “Are you mad at me?”  Felicity whispered suddenly.

  Oliver frowned.  “Of course not, why would you think I was mad at you?”

  “My dad.  He tried to kill you.  Like a lot of times.”

  Oliver shook his head.  “I would never blame you for what you’re father has done.  I might blame you if you marry Sara though.”

  With a small cry Felicity launched herself at Oliver.  Unprepared, Oliver fell back with Felicity sprawled on top of him.

  “I love you, I don’t want to marry Sara or sleep with Nyssa.”

  Sara smirked at Nyssa.  “I think we just got left high and dry.”

  Nyssa smiled.  “Indeed.”

  Oliver wrapped his arms around Felicity, rubbing soothing strokes down her back.

  “We’ll deal with your father.”

  Felicity raised her head. “After I call Thea.” 

  She scrambled wildly to her feet, nearly kneeing Oliver somewhere important as she lunged for her phone.

  Oliver got to his feet frowned at the silently chuckling Sara.

  Pointing a finger at her he said in his sternest voice.  “We are not keeping her drunk.”

  “Hey Thea.”  Felicity slurred.  “Yeah I wanted to talk about a club.  You me and Nyssa.”  She looked over at Oliver.  “But not in a sex way.  I don’t want to have a threesome.  That would be weird.  Besides don’t you think someone would feel left out?  It’s always baffled me why men want a threesome, they only have one penis.”

  Oliver groaned and moved to Felicity and tried to wrestle the phone out of  her hand and avoid her slapping hand.

  “She is quite amusing when intoxicated.”  Nyssa commented.

  Sara nodded.

  Nyssa carefully sat beside Sara watching as Felicity struggled with Oliver shouting to Thea about male refractory period and the women being more interested in each other.

  “What do you think Thea is thinking right now?”  Sara asked.

  For the first time since Sara had known her Nyssa burst into uncontrolled laughter. 

 

 

 

 


End file.
